Wednesday, May 1, 2013

An Anniversary Approaches

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ" 1 Thessalonians 5:18


Hey guys!

I guess after three months goes by I have an internal clock telling me to update our blog because that seems to be the norm, when things are going so well that is!

As Madi's year anniversary approaches, I can honestly say I have been so surprised at how easy this has all been and how well it has gone! Everyday I feel like pinching myself because of how blessed we have been through this entire process. It obviously isn't an easy road, don't get me wrong, but it's much better than than the one we were on for about 22 months!! I remember in February of 2011, Madi had just undergone a procedure in the cath lab at Primary Children's in SLC and the procedure did not go good; she ended up coding in the cath lab and was sent to ICU for about three days and scheduled for open heart surgery a week or so later. Anyway, while there, my mom ran in to a lady in the hall outside ICU, we were all obviously very upset with the days events and the lady came over to her and said she just felt the need to let her know everything would be ok. This lady proceeded to tell her that her beautiful four year old daughter standing next to her had gotten a heart transplant when she was a baby and was doing fantastic! (Thank you Lord for those words) My mom told me all about it later that day and I remember thinking to myself "jeeze, at least Madi doesn't need a heart transplant!" And from then on I always held that as a "last ditch effort" that we would NEVER want to do! My biggest fear, the last thing I ever wanted for Madi etc. etc. So, here we are, and I am telling you that it has been the biggest blessing that ever happened! The process of getting here was pure hell, but everything is so much sweeter because of it! Madi was so sick for so long that the Lord showed me a transplant WAS the best thing for her and a transplant WAS in her future! When we moved to Houston in October 2011, doctors had not even mentioned transplant to us yet but I found myself reading blog after blog of children who had gone through the process, just knowing in my heart this was what Madi needed! God prepared me for what lay ahead; I wouldn't be surprised, I wouldn't be uniformed and I knew this WAS the best for Madi because I had known for months she wasn't getting better. A transplant would make her better, no mater how scary that seemed. So when the doctors first informed us that she would need a transplant I was heartbroken, sad, mad (you name it) but I wasn't in shock and I was able to process everything and be there for Madi as God had intended! So, we have our ups and downs, good days and bad days, but over all we are doing great and just so thankful for this past year that we have so graciously been given. I'm not even close to having it all together or even "healed" from the past few years but when I do get down or scared the Lord always finds a way to pick me back up, all I have to do is ask and focus on him! Works every.single.time!!

We were told early on to wait a full year before trying to contact the donor family (our transplant coordinators said its just easier for everyone this way). So as a year steadily approaches in a little over three weeks I can't help but think about what I am going to say; I need to write a letter to someone thanking them for giving my child their child's heart? Thanking them for allowing my child to do so amazingly well and live life to the fullest when theirs is not? Thank them for holidays full of joy, while theirs were painstakingly empty? It's just something I am struggling with, something that I can't quite seem to put into words. And maybe that's because I can't! I don't think I can ever put into words how thankful I am for this family and their selfless decision to donate, I just hope I can show them the LIFE that they have given a little girl who never really lived until May 29, 2012! Until that day she was dying; everyday she was wasting away, little by little and bc they said "yes" she was given a second chance at life. She could laugh for the first time (bc she could barely breathe before), she learned to walk, she learned to talk, she started growing and just living, instead of dying! That's what I hope to tell them but I need prayers from you all that God would place the right words in my mind so that I can communicate that to them in the best way possible. A way to bring comfort to them in a time of grief. I hope we get to meet them one day when the time is right, but for now, I just hope a few words can bring them some joy!

Since her year anniversary is approaching, Madi has been scheduled for her one year biopsy the third week of May. The docs will take tiny tissue samples of her heart (about eight pieces I think is what they usually do) to send to the lab and look at them under the microscope to determine if there is any rejection. In addition to that (which this is the first time ever for madi's new heart) the docs will do an angiogram of her coronary arteries to make sure she is not experiencing any coronary artery disease: in transplanted hearts the coronary arteries (the arteries that feed the heart) become clogged over a period of time causing the need for another transplant. The cause of this is still not known and there is no treatment, once it starts, there is no stopping it and the heart will fail. Sometimes this happens early on and sometimes it's not for years or decades. So, this will be the first time the docs have looked at her coronaries so please pray that all looks great! She will have this sort of check up every year for the rest of her life and more frequent if needed! It's a full on procedure with general anesthesia and everything so we will be happy when it's over as usual!

She continues to amaze us with her progress and lately everything is "yeah" this or "yeah" that! Do you love me madi? "Yeah!" Do you want to go outside? "yeah" do you like helping me clean? "Yeah" do you wanna take a nap? "Na" ok, so she does listen, just when I think she isn't, ha! We still have therapies 5 times a week and she is really making awesome strides; she has been walking about seven months now and is so close to running!! which is so great! meeting milestones left and right lately:) our next goal is jumping, learning to use the potty (all the time, not just when she feels like it!), continue with learning to talk, learning her letters (she knows all the letters in her name! just cant say them) and just enjoy each other!

We hope you all are doing well and gearing up for a fun summer! If we get the ok from the docs in May we're hoping to drive home for a couple weeks this summer! There are so many of you we need to hug and see its not even funny! I also just started a new part time business that has been a big blessing so we decided to book a trip to Hawaii in October (doctor approval pending of course) but we couldn't be more excited! We have never been on a vacation together as a family so we are really looking forward to it and spending time with our families who will also be joining us to celebrate what we have all been through together :) I hope this update finds you all well! Thank you for all your thoughts, love and prayers as always!!

Love,
Tabi

Here's some of our latest pics: cousin visit (FUN!!), an outing to Hobby Lobby (sort of scary!), a pool we got to learn to swim (yay!), using her left hand to help paint (awesome!), fun at the park and the bubble princess!

















Sunday, January 27, 2013

LIVING

Hi everybody!


So, I am officially the worst "blogger" ever, its been like three months I think since I've updated everyone! But like I've said before, no news is good news :)! I hope you all had as wonderful a holiday season as we did! It was our first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years that we truly felt what it meant to CELEBRATE and nothing more!! This year all we did was enjoy the season! We didn't have to change a feeding tube on Christmas Day, we didn't have to cut our family time short due to a baby that got sick because she couldn't breathe, we didn't have one doctor appointment and we didn't have a scheduled open heart surgery looming in our minds! I mean we made the best of our circumstances the last couple years but we were really missing out, that's all I can say!! Being Santa for a two year old is by far one of the funnest things I think I've ever done in my life! The anticipation of Madi seeing all her new toys on Christmas Day was better than any Christmas as a child that I can remember! I take that back, I remember being pretty excited for my Easy-Bake-Oven mom :) lol! I guess I always took it for granted, celebrating the holidays, until I didn't really get to for a couple years in a row.

Madison recently had a check up about a week ago and after a morning of lab draws and an echo her doctor came in to visit with us and said "well, I really don't have much to do, everything looks great, labs look great and echo looks good." I think these are words I will never take for granted, it's like music to my ears each and every time I hear them! There was a time, quite a long period of time, where every check up we had was always "well, this looks ok, that looks ok, but......" that BUT was ALWAYS there, just like a bomb waiting to drop some more bad news or some other devastating thing they had found out during the echo that day. Each time we go to the doctor I wait for that "but", praying that we don't hear it, and by the grace of God we haven't! Now I just need to remind myself that if I do, it's going to be okay because God's got this, I just need to TRUST Him fully; you'd think that would be so easy after all He has done for us and the miracles He has performed for us, but it's still hard, I wish it wasn't, but it is! A conscious effort on my part to ask the Lord for help daily, multiple times a day, that I may let go and release everything to Him. I'd be completely lying if I said that every time I drive up to TCH I feel completely calm knowing God's got this, it's more like, I feel sick to my stomach because of the 220 days we lived there that quite honestly were downright horrible some days and I never want to do that EVER again!! That's how it feels when I'm there, but later on I realize really how powerful and amazing it is that we made it out and if we can make it through that, HE will help us through anything, That is what gives me strength to put on a smile and act like I'm perfectly fine (even though I kinda feel like puking every time I'm there!)

It's amazing you know, there were days that we sat in the ICU with Madi hooked up to a machine breathing for her, an artificial heart beating for her, a tube feeding her and medications running through her veins that if stopped could kill her, but yet, there we were, playing in bubbles, watching Fox and the Hound, giving Madi pedicures, laughing and just LIVING as if we weren't dying? I remember people saying to Austin and I "I don't know how you guys do this, I could never do it" and you know what I don't know how we did it either! What I do realize now is that God was holding us up; He was giving us strength, He was helping us laugh when we should have been crying and He was helping us LIVE instead of being focused on dying! It's truly amazing what HE can do, not only did He work miracles on Madi but He helped us survive too and although I tremble at the thought of it, I have to remind myself, He will be there for us always, even if I do hear a "but...." at some point.

Besides heart stuff, Madi is doing really well! We continue to have physical, occupational and speech therapies to help her catch up for lost time, which she seems to be closing the gap each and every day. Gross motor wise she's about a year behind, fine motor wise, she's above her level with her right hand but struggles on tasks that require two hands as her left hand isn't able to open and close properly yet, but hopefully with more time and therapy we will get there. Her speech therapist always says she's so smart and is cognitively at the understanding of her age level (she taught her papa how to use his new iphone:) but just can't express with words at her age level, again about a year behind with her talking. But, we've increased her speech therapy from once a week to twice a week because she thinks she is right on the verge of a talking over haul and more frequent therapy right now will really benefit her. She recently learned how to say "no, no" and shake her finger at us, so that's been a joy for the other therapists and myself, lol! Why again did we teach her that word?? She also says "bowwww" all the time, guess who she hears that from about ten times a day! Yes, Huck enjoys giving his two cents when it comes to speech therapy, but then again, when doesn't he :) Madi is definitely a dog lover and continues to give them kisses before "nigh, nigh."

That's mainly what's going on with us these days, we have had some unseasonably warm weather here the last week or so and LOVED our mid 70's in the middle of January! For a girl who grew up with January routinely being below zero, I don't know if I'll ever get used to 70's in January, but I sure do enjoy it!! Thank you as always for your continued thoughts, prayers, cards, notes and gifts, they mean more than you know!! Hope you all are doing good in this new year so far!! Ill attach a few pictures of our holiday since we weren't able to share it with all our family and friends this year, enjoy!

Love,
Tabi

 Gramsie and PopPop visit: Christmas #1 :)


Huck the present protector
 
 

New Beanbag!
 


Princess Castle complete with accompanying ensemble :)
 
 




Princess Madi looking oh so gorgeous!



Hurry Up Please!!
 (I have seen another picture similar to this only PopPop didnt have grey hair...)

 




Christmas with Mommy and Daddy: Christmas #2!
 


 
 
 
Gingerbread House!
 
 
Santa came right after Madi went to sleep :)
 
 
 Merry Christmas!!! 12/25/12
 
 
 
 
Huck and Kodiak open theirs too!
 
 
 
 
 
 


Every girl needs a plastic bowling set with princess decals right?
 

Beauty set to keep herself looking stylish!
 
 
 




Nana and Papa visit: Christmas #3!! SPOILED!


New Leapad from Nana and Papa

 
 LOVED the Minnie hat and gloves from Great Grandma!

 
 
 
 2013 Has Arrived!!
 


Madi's Potty Chart!  (getting sooo close to being potty trained!)




 
 70's in January??  Yes please!! 

 

 Have a Happy Valentines Day!!

Thanks Again for all the thoughts, love and prayers!
 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Our Normal

Hey guys!

All is going well at our house!! Not much to report other than "normal" things!! It's so nice! All I have to tell you about Madi is that she is experiencing life for the first time as a normal toddler, doing normal toddler things, expressing her normal toddler attitude and bouncing off the walls like any normal toddler would!! It's so awesome because I too am begining to experience some of the things a normal parent does and it's glorious! The other day while I was trying to get food out of her cheek that had been in there since dinner she bit me! I had to tell her that's bad and not to do that!!! Which was followed by her crying because I yelled at her :(......then I put her to bed and I cried because I was sad I made her sad!!! I told Austin that there were days I longed to hold her and comfort her and now here I am yelling at her??? How can that be?? ......Austin said that she has to know right and wrong, it's part of being her parent. Guess this is part of being a normal parent!! I mean start an IV on her or give her a shot and I won't shed a tear but scold her after biting her mom and I'll totally break! Lol!! So, around here it's just lots of normal stuff.....if you leave out the PT, OT, speech, meds and still being on complete house arrest!! But hey, it still feels pretty dang good :)!!

Madi will go to the cath lab for her six month biopsy on November 20th already! I can't believe it's been six months, an amazing six months at that. Quite easily the best of our lives thus far :) She also may need a stent (tiny metal cylinder) put in one of her vessels while in the cath lab; her last echo showed some narrowing right where her new heart was sewn to her vessel (basically where they connected the pipes) and sometimes scar tissue forms where the stitches once were. A completely normal process of healing but just healed a little too much for its own good! So, they'll take a look in the cath lab and see how narrow the spot is and if she needs the stent they'll put one in. In the whole scheme of things it's not really a big deal but we'll be prayin it goes as planned if she does in fact need it!!

When things are going so well I almost have to remind myself that she had a heart transplant! I know that seems weird but you really don't think about in your day to day life, it just IS life and that's it, it doesn't define our life. That said, I was recently reminded that although Madi seems so "normal" she is still and will always be more fragile than all the rest of us:

I came across a story through some other heart mom blogs that stopped me dead in my tracks the other day; a four year old girl who had received a heart transplant as a baby had just landed in Florida from Salt Lake City to start a once in a lifetime Make-a-Wish Disney trip. This little girl lived for Mickey Mouse and was completely obsessed with everything Mickey (kinda like somebody else I know) and was so excited to meet him! But, when she arrived her parents took her straight to the hospital because she wasn't feeling good. The doctors in Florida sent her to the cath lab and while there she went into cardiac arrest and suffered extensive brain damage from the arrest. After which her parents took her off of life support and she went home to be with her Father in Heaven. Apparently she was in rejection and nobody knew about it. The rejection had made her heart sick enough that it stopped while in the the cath lab. All her previous biopsy results and appointments had been perfect up until this point. She lived a wonderful four years that was unexpectedly cut short.

It's such a tragic story and hit close to home. I struggled with it for about a week or so because I was instantly reminded that we will always be fighting a never ending battle with rejection and its always a possibility that may pop up. Rejection is a tricky subject; mostly, it is something doctors can spot and can be treated accordingly but in some circumstances it sneaks up on you and nothing can be done except retransplant if possible. I'm not telling you all this to make you sad, I'm just sharing a part of our lives with you. Rejection IS a part of our lives and we will learn to deal with it.....but you know what, we do not have to deal with it alone. We know that our great Lord will be with us throughout this journey no mater what happens! When I think back on all we have been through, I know it's not even physically or emotionally possible to survive it without God, there is just no way! And because we made it through that okay, I know we can make it through whatever might come along. I'm not saying its that easy, it's hard! It took me a week to get that story out of my head and refocus. What I did was number one, call and cry to my mom (and she helped me refocus.....thanks mom:) and second, I turned to this "Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall" Psalms 55:22. And this, "We use God's mighty weapons, not wordly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments" 2 Corinthians 10:4. Last, "For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come" Hebrews 13:14. So, although my "human reasoning" gets the best of me from time to time I have to refocus on the truth of Gods word, that's all I can do. I think that's all anyone can do! Like I've said a few times (I have to tell myself all the time, like everyday) don't focus on the future, live for today because not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow regardless of if we've had a heart transplant or not! Nobody knows what will happen in the future but one thing I am certain about is that we should all look forward to meeting our Father in Heaven someday; I mean if Earth is this good (it has its downfalls but overall I love it) Heaven must be amazing!!! What a great thought to know that even our most amazing days on Earth don't even compare to those we will live in Heaven! I'm so excited about that!! But for now I'll just relish in what we've got because its so much easier to enjoy and be glad than fear and be sad :)

Hope you all are doing well and had a fun Halloween! We had a great time, handing out candy. We didn't actually go trick or treating to keep Madi safe from germs but we saw the kids in their costumes from a safe distance :)

It's coming up on a year since we first got admitted to TCH t(November 14th) so I'm attaching "a year in review" to show how far this little M&M has come! A picture is worth a thousand words (I'm far past that with this post, sheesh long winded much!) but you can really see the miracles God performed and continues to perform through these pictures. Enjoy! (Viewer discretion advised by the way).


Halloween 2011:  Madi, not feeling so hot...


Admitted to TCH November 14, 2011......They have Glitter here and I LOVE getting it everywhere!
Christmas 2011 Texas Childrens


Nothin like opening gifts in ICU!
 
January 15, 2012: Madi goes into cardiac arrest in the ICU.  She is put on a temporary device that takes over for her heart; her heart is still functioning it's just too weak and damaged to sustain her by itself any longer. The two red tubes you see are circulating her blood into and out of her body for a few days until she gets her Berlin: a permanent bridge to transplant. 
When on a device like this they keep the blood extremely thin so blood clots don't form; she got a nose bleed that wouldn't stop when they changed her nose tube, thus the huge thing of cotton under her nose!  Luckily, she is suntanning on a beach somewhere watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse thanks to the gigantic amount of narcotics going into her veins!   



January 18, 2012: Madi recieves her Berlin Heart.  Her sternum is left open for one week to allow
room for swelling while her heart heals from the trauma of surgery.  She will unknowingly suffer a stroke from a clot that was dislodged from her Berlin Heart the following week.   We notice she isnt moving the left side of her body; she is taken to CT scan and a moderate Middle Cerebral Artery stroke is confirmed.

February 14, 2012: Happy Valentines Day!!  Madi has been intubated for approxiamately one month!

Here you go Prince Charming :)

Sitting up for the first time in her high chair as instructed by her doctors;  it will help open her lungs back up! 
 

Sitting up started to get easier after the first day :)

Mommy "holding" Madi as best she can

Most people don't play with puzzles while intubated but..........Madi does!

A picture without her Berlin bandages on; only got taken off to be cleaned then wrapped back up to keep from getting infected. As you can see from this face, it was pretty painful when they cleaned around her cannula sites (one tube connects directly to her aorta and one to her left ventricle). 
After seven weeks of having a machine breath for her, she's doing it all on her own for the first time!  And......she fell asleep with her favorite pink sponges.  I'm pretty sure she cleaned out the hospital's entire supply of pink sponges! We were told, "dont be dissapointed if she isn't successful on her first extubation; its common for kids to be reintubated after being so weak for so long."   Not our girl :)  Did it on the first try and stayed that way!

So Happy to be able to hold her after 56 LONG days!!  Nothing better in the world!

I don't think anybody could make CPAP headgear look so cute!

Stroke rehabilitation begins!  We had the best therapists ever!!

Learning to stand again!
 
Madi your left leg is working!! 

This is my Gramsie, she's been at every surgery I ever had and dropped everything to be with me 24/7 for 8 months at TCH! She and Nana slept with me in the ICU for months!  Not only does everyone around here know me, but they know my grandma's too :) 

March 2012: After two months in the ICU we get to go downstairs where it's more comfortable and Daddy, Mommy, Gramsie, Nana and I can all hang out together at the same time!  No more "only two people" in the room at a time down here!  yay!  Now we just wait till my Angel Heart arrives!

In my recliner watchin 101 Dalmations!  My hosptial favorite :)

April 2012:  Happy Easter!

We truly made the best of our stay on floor 15, room 5, "Madi's Room" as most knew it.   The nurses and staff became our extended family!  Love them :)



NEWS ALERT!!!  Domino's now has gluten free pizza!!  This means lots of pizza dates for daddy and Madi :)

Teaching Madi to wear a mask out in the hallway.  We went for daily "walks" in the stroller around the hallway, sometimes we even walked with our other Berlin Buddy down the hall :)

 
May 2012:  Kodiak makes his TCH debut!!  And.......is loved by all of course!  The doctor who ok'd him visiting was told he was a chihuahua........joke was on him when he walked in to check on Madi that morning!  lol!!  Having Kodiak there for an hour that morning made it feel more like home :)



This is my Nana who put her life on complete hold for 7 months to be with me night and day at TCH!!  My favorite thing to do with my Nana......rock out to Bon Jovi and sing "the ants go marching....."

 Thursday, May 24, 2012:  Five days before Madi's transplant she starts feeling crappy; she gains 1 pound of fluid and is sent to the ICU on Monday, May 28 to be put on a lasix infusion to help get the fluid off.  When her surgeon hears that she is back in the ICU he schedules her for another major open heart surgery on Thursday May, 31.  Her Berlin is no longer doing the job we need it to and an intervetion needed to be made. The next day, Tuesday, May 29, 2012 her Angel heart arrives! 

Madi goes into the OR at aproximately 12:00 pm on Tuesday, May 29, she comes out 12 hours later with a new Angel Heart that is doing better than any expected.  Her lungs where so badly damaged that doctors warned us she may come out on another temporary assist device until the new heart gets used to such a harsh environment.  However, her surgeion tells us that "he has never seen a heart generate such a good blood pressure against such high pulmonary pressures"  i.e. he has never seen a heart do so good against such bad lungs!  This miracle gets better every second doesn't it :)

Miracle Madi, Day 1 with her new perfect heart!

Extubated one short week later!  She is in pain here because one of her lungs has a pocket of air in it caused by a surgical drain tube; this can be quite serious and cause the entire lung to collapse.  The next day, the pneumothorax (as it is technically called) has gotten dramatically smaller. 

Resting her foot on her "Berlin" while sleeping.....except, it's no longer there :)

This is Team Miracle Madi:  Because of this team Madi has never spent one second in a hospital without a family member by her side (not pictured are her aunts and uncles too!)  Never has she opened her eyes and not had a familiar face to smile at or loving arms to hold her tight.  God gave us a great army to fight this war didn't He!  We are an awesome team if I do say so myself, I mean we WON didn't we!!

Food is REALLY good when you're on steroids!

June 21, 2012: After 220 days at TCH we are going HOME!!!  Amen :)


Havne't seen my hound Huck for 7 months! He really missed her!

July 4th, 2012:  Happy 4th of July!!  First Holiday since last halloween we celebrate at home!

 
Dog pile on daddy!

This is how we go "out" to lunch.  Daddy goes inside to get it, we have a picnic in the backseat :)

August 2, 2012:  Happy Birthday Madiosn Rae!  It's been a rough 2 years baby girl, but you made it!! 


Madi's two favorite nurses from TCH come to celebrate with us!  These two girls made our ICU stay the best it could have ever been.  What would we have done without them.  Love them :)



Baring wieght on her left arm!!  Major milestone :)

Painting her left hand with her occupational therapist!  Super fun :)

Out on another lunch date, got my minnie purse and everything!  Watching for daddy to come back with my food!

Mom!  Please stop talking to me while I'm trying to drive!


September  2012:  Madi has done so well that her pulmonologist says "as longs as her oxygen saturations stay above 96% I'm fine with her going off her oxygen"..........Madi says, I'll just be 99% instead of 96 :)



In January she had a stroke and in September she learns to walk all by herself!!

LOVES her some Huck!

And, LOVES her some Kodiak!


Walks in Houston=bug netting to protect from West Nile! 

October 2012:  Happy Halloween!!!


Got this from my Nana and Papa my first Christmas, I just now grew into it!!  Just call me "Malibu Barbie"


Gramsie visits; we don't go anywhere near a hospital!! 

 
Our first ever Family Pics :)





 
 
"[...]This happened so the power of God could be seen in him" John 9:3.  All these pictures show a lot of things, but I hope that what you'll see in them is the power of God!  Your prayers and faithfullness in Him have helped us and will continue to help us through this journey.
 
Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!!  Keep Madi in your prayers for her trip to cath lab November 20th! 
 
Thanks!
Love, Tabi