Wednesday, May 1, 2013

An Anniversary Approaches

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ" 1 Thessalonians 5:18


Hey guys!

I guess after three months goes by I have an internal clock telling me to update our blog because that seems to be the norm, when things are going so well that is!

As Madi's year anniversary approaches, I can honestly say I have been so surprised at how easy this has all been and how well it has gone! Everyday I feel like pinching myself because of how blessed we have been through this entire process. It obviously isn't an easy road, don't get me wrong, but it's much better than than the one we were on for about 22 months!! I remember in February of 2011, Madi had just undergone a procedure in the cath lab at Primary Children's in SLC and the procedure did not go good; she ended up coding in the cath lab and was sent to ICU for about three days and scheduled for open heart surgery a week or so later. Anyway, while there, my mom ran in to a lady in the hall outside ICU, we were all obviously very upset with the days events and the lady came over to her and said she just felt the need to let her know everything would be ok. This lady proceeded to tell her that her beautiful four year old daughter standing next to her had gotten a heart transplant when she was a baby and was doing fantastic! (Thank you Lord for those words) My mom told me all about it later that day and I remember thinking to myself "jeeze, at least Madi doesn't need a heart transplant!" And from then on I always held that as a "last ditch effort" that we would NEVER want to do! My biggest fear, the last thing I ever wanted for Madi etc. etc. So, here we are, and I am telling you that it has been the biggest blessing that ever happened! The process of getting here was pure hell, but everything is so much sweeter because of it! Madi was so sick for so long that the Lord showed me a transplant WAS the best thing for her and a transplant WAS in her future! When we moved to Houston in October 2011, doctors had not even mentioned transplant to us yet but I found myself reading blog after blog of children who had gone through the process, just knowing in my heart this was what Madi needed! God prepared me for what lay ahead; I wouldn't be surprised, I wouldn't be uniformed and I knew this WAS the best for Madi because I had known for months she wasn't getting better. A transplant would make her better, no mater how scary that seemed. So when the doctors first informed us that she would need a transplant I was heartbroken, sad, mad (you name it) but I wasn't in shock and I was able to process everything and be there for Madi as God had intended! So, we have our ups and downs, good days and bad days, but over all we are doing great and just so thankful for this past year that we have so graciously been given. I'm not even close to having it all together or even "healed" from the past few years but when I do get down or scared the Lord always finds a way to pick me back up, all I have to do is ask and focus on him! Works every.single.time!!

We were told early on to wait a full year before trying to contact the donor family (our transplant coordinators said its just easier for everyone this way). So as a year steadily approaches in a little over three weeks I can't help but think about what I am going to say; I need to write a letter to someone thanking them for giving my child their child's heart? Thanking them for allowing my child to do so amazingly well and live life to the fullest when theirs is not? Thank them for holidays full of joy, while theirs were painstakingly empty? It's just something I am struggling with, something that I can't quite seem to put into words. And maybe that's because I can't! I don't think I can ever put into words how thankful I am for this family and their selfless decision to donate, I just hope I can show them the LIFE that they have given a little girl who never really lived until May 29, 2012! Until that day she was dying; everyday she was wasting away, little by little and bc they said "yes" she was given a second chance at life. She could laugh for the first time (bc she could barely breathe before), she learned to walk, she learned to talk, she started growing and just living, instead of dying! That's what I hope to tell them but I need prayers from you all that God would place the right words in my mind so that I can communicate that to them in the best way possible. A way to bring comfort to them in a time of grief. I hope we get to meet them one day when the time is right, but for now, I just hope a few words can bring them some joy!

Since her year anniversary is approaching, Madi has been scheduled for her one year biopsy the third week of May. The docs will take tiny tissue samples of her heart (about eight pieces I think is what they usually do) to send to the lab and look at them under the microscope to determine if there is any rejection. In addition to that (which this is the first time ever for madi's new heart) the docs will do an angiogram of her coronary arteries to make sure she is not experiencing any coronary artery disease: in transplanted hearts the coronary arteries (the arteries that feed the heart) become clogged over a period of time causing the need for another transplant. The cause of this is still not known and there is no treatment, once it starts, there is no stopping it and the heart will fail. Sometimes this happens early on and sometimes it's not for years or decades. So, this will be the first time the docs have looked at her coronaries so please pray that all looks great! She will have this sort of check up every year for the rest of her life and more frequent if needed! It's a full on procedure with general anesthesia and everything so we will be happy when it's over as usual!

She continues to amaze us with her progress and lately everything is "yeah" this or "yeah" that! Do you love me madi? "Yeah!" Do you want to go outside? "yeah" do you like helping me clean? "Yeah" do you wanna take a nap? "Na" ok, so she does listen, just when I think she isn't, ha! We still have therapies 5 times a week and she is really making awesome strides; she has been walking about seven months now and is so close to running!! which is so great! meeting milestones left and right lately:) our next goal is jumping, learning to use the potty (all the time, not just when she feels like it!), continue with learning to talk, learning her letters (she knows all the letters in her name! just cant say them) and just enjoy each other!

We hope you all are doing well and gearing up for a fun summer! If we get the ok from the docs in May we're hoping to drive home for a couple weeks this summer! There are so many of you we need to hug and see its not even funny! I also just started a new part time business that has been a big blessing so we decided to book a trip to Hawaii in October (doctor approval pending of course) but we couldn't be more excited! We have never been on a vacation together as a family so we are really looking forward to it and spending time with our families who will also be joining us to celebrate what we have all been through together :) I hope this update finds you all well! Thank you for all your thoughts, love and prayers as always!!

Love,
Tabi

Here's some of our latest pics: cousin visit (FUN!!), an outing to Hobby Lobby (sort of scary!), a pool we got to learn to swim (yay!), using her left hand to help paint (awesome!), fun at the park and the bubble princess!

















Sunday, January 27, 2013

LIVING

Hi everybody!


So, I am officially the worst "blogger" ever, its been like three months I think since I've updated everyone! But like I've said before, no news is good news :)! I hope you all had as wonderful a holiday season as we did! It was our first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years that we truly felt what it meant to CELEBRATE and nothing more!! This year all we did was enjoy the season! We didn't have to change a feeding tube on Christmas Day, we didn't have to cut our family time short due to a baby that got sick because she couldn't breathe, we didn't have one doctor appointment and we didn't have a scheduled open heart surgery looming in our minds! I mean we made the best of our circumstances the last couple years but we were really missing out, that's all I can say!! Being Santa for a two year old is by far one of the funnest things I think I've ever done in my life! The anticipation of Madi seeing all her new toys on Christmas Day was better than any Christmas as a child that I can remember! I take that back, I remember being pretty excited for my Easy-Bake-Oven mom :) lol! I guess I always took it for granted, celebrating the holidays, until I didn't really get to for a couple years in a row.

Madison recently had a check up about a week ago and after a morning of lab draws and an echo her doctor came in to visit with us and said "well, I really don't have much to do, everything looks great, labs look great and echo looks good." I think these are words I will never take for granted, it's like music to my ears each and every time I hear them! There was a time, quite a long period of time, where every check up we had was always "well, this looks ok, that looks ok, but......" that BUT was ALWAYS there, just like a bomb waiting to drop some more bad news or some other devastating thing they had found out during the echo that day. Each time we go to the doctor I wait for that "but", praying that we don't hear it, and by the grace of God we haven't! Now I just need to remind myself that if I do, it's going to be okay because God's got this, I just need to TRUST Him fully; you'd think that would be so easy after all He has done for us and the miracles He has performed for us, but it's still hard, I wish it wasn't, but it is! A conscious effort on my part to ask the Lord for help daily, multiple times a day, that I may let go and release everything to Him. I'd be completely lying if I said that every time I drive up to TCH I feel completely calm knowing God's got this, it's more like, I feel sick to my stomach because of the 220 days we lived there that quite honestly were downright horrible some days and I never want to do that EVER again!! That's how it feels when I'm there, but later on I realize really how powerful and amazing it is that we made it out and if we can make it through that, HE will help us through anything, That is what gives me strength to put on a smile and act like I'm perfectly fine (even though I kinda feel like puking every time I'm there!)

It's amazing you know, there were days that we sat in the ICU with Madi hooked up to a machine breathing for her, an artificial heart beating for her, a tube feeding her and medications running through her veins that if stopped could kill her, but yet, there we were, playing in bubbles, watching Fox and the Hound, giving Madi pedicures, laughing and just LIVING as if we weren't dying? I remember people saying to Austin and I "I don't know how you guys do this, I could never do it" and you know what I don't know how we did it either! What I do realize now is that God was holding us up; He was giving us strength, He was helping us laugh when we should have been crying and He was helping us LIVE instead of being focused on dying! It's truly amazing what HE can do, not only did He work miracles on Madi but He helped us survive too and although I tremble at the thought of it, I have to remind myself, He will be there for us always, even if I do hear a "but...." at some point.

Besides heart stuff, Madi is doing really well! We continue to have physical, occupational and speech therapies to help her catch up for lost time, which she seems to be closing the gap each and every day. Gross motor wise she's about a year behind, fine motor wise, she's above her level with her right hand but struggles on tasks that require two hands as her left hand isn't able to open and close properly yet, but hopefully with more time and therapy we will get there. Her speech therapist always says she's so smart and is cognitively at the understanding of her age level (she taught her papa how to use his new iphone:) but just can't express with words at her age level, again about a year behind with her talking. But, we've increased her speech therapy from once a week to twice a week because she thinks she is right on the verge of a talking over haul and more frequent therapy right now will really benefit her. She recently learned how to say "no, no" and shake her finger at us, so that's been a joy for the other therapists and myself, lol! Why again did we teach her that word?? She also says "bowwww" all the time, guess who she hears that from about ten times a day! Yes, Huck enjoys giving his two cents when it comes to speech therapy, but then again, when doesn't he :) Madi is definitely a dog lover and continues to give them kisses before "nigh, nigh."

That's mainly what's going on with us these days, we have had some unseasonably warm weather here the last week or so and LOVED our mid 70's in the middle of January! For a girl who grew up with January routinely being below zero, I don't know if I'll ever get used to 70's in January, but I sure do enjoy it!! Thank you as always for your continued thoughts, prayers, cards, notes and gifts, they mean more than you know!! Hope you all are doing good in this new year so far!! Ill attach a few pictures of our holiday since we weren't able to share it with all our family and friends this year, enjoy!

Love,
Tabi

 Gramsie and PopPop visit: Christmas #1 :)


Huck the present protector
 
 

New Beanbag!
 


Princess Castle complete with accompanying ensemble :)
 
 




Princess Madi looking oh so gorgeous!



Hurry Up Please!!
 (I have seen another picture similar to this only PopPop didnt have grey hair...)

 




Christmas with Mommy and Daddy: Christmas #2!
 


 
 
 
Gingerbread House!
 
 
Santa came right after Madi went to sleep :)
 
 
 Merry Christmas!!! 12/25/12
 
 
 
 
Huck and Kodiak open theirs too!
 
 
 
 
 
 


Every girl needs a plastic bowling set with princess decals right?
 

Beauty set to keep herself looking stylish!
 
 
 




Nana and Papa visit: Christmas #3!! SPOILED!


New Leapad from Nana and Papa

 
 LOVED the Minnie hat and gloves from Great Grandma!

 
 
 
 2013 Has Arrived!!
 


Madi's Potty Chart!  (getting sooo close to being potty trained!)




 
 70's in January??  Yes please!! 

 

 Have a Happy Valentines Day!!

Thanks Again for all the thoughts, love and prayers!